first of all, after i wrote my first draft i got it back from my doctor with some comments, and i uploaded the essay with the comments so you can

first of all, after i wrote my first draft i got it back from my doctor with some comments, and i uploaded the essay with the comments so you can edit the essay based on the comments. i uploaded also the essay that i read and i disagree with. first if you can see the comments(only that are written in blue) in the introduction paragraph it says that i have to change the intro ,and the doctor told me is better to write something different(because the example of Karma does not work ) than what i have. for example i can list Alfie Kohn arguments and say his reasons in brief way and then i have to say my opinion in the theses and i can write about the negative effects of not having grades. Secondly, this is a research paper so i have to use 4 outside sources. If u notice i did not write any of them in the easy, so the doctor told me to use them to support my arguments and also i can use them to support what i write about my personal experience. (you can see the comments on the paper where and what the doctor recommended me to do). the outside sources should be from Temple university data base and u cannot go to the database because only the student can go through, so i am providing u the username and the password so just go to temple database and use that.(just type temple uni database 812 in google and hen choose article or whatever and then it should be (Academic search premiere ) this is the link hope will work http://libproxy.temple.edu/login?url=http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?profile=ehost&defaultdb=aph and then you have to write the username which is tue42249 and the password which is Shika#1993 over all the essay should b 5 pages or more . try to edit the essay based on the doctor comments and what u see is good . u very much , i appreciate it.